What we need to keep in mind is that crying is communication, but it is also a release. Essentially, it is an important part of your child’s emotional development. How we respond to crying affects not only the moment but it also shapes your child’s long-term relationship with their emotions, as well as their sense of safety and connection with how they feel.

In a child’s early years, they live primarily in their senses, in their body, and not in their thinking. They are sensory and bodily beings. By this I mean that their experiences move through their whole body and are lived in a deeply physical way. They do not think through their experiences as an adult or even a much older child would. Hunger, fatigue, frustration, and even joy are often big feelings for a young child, and we see this expressed in very physical ways. When something feels like it’s too much, their body expresses it physically. Crying is not only emotional, but it is also physiological. This is because young children do not have the capacity to step back and reflect if they are overwhelmed, frustrated, or need help regulating their emotions. Instead of trying to control or stop the behavior, understanding the deeper reason behind our crying child is what shifts how we respond.

An important principle in Waldorf is that development precedes expectation, and this is why young children are not expected to respond with the emotional regulation of an older child or an adult. The capacities for impulse control, emotional regulation, verbal expression, and being able to have a perspective are still in an early developmental phase. This perspective supports us in responding in a way that respects where they are developmentally. Instead of reacting with anger or frustration, a shift in perspective allows us to respond to our child with understanding.

On any given day, a young child takes in a tremendous amount of sensory information. When we take into consideration the amount of sensory stimulation that a young child experiences throughout the day: the sounds, the amount of movement and social interactions, our expectations, fast-paced days, and the number of transitions, it’s not surprising that there will be crying. All of these experiences must be processed, which requires energy, and this is why crying is also a release, especially when there is an internal emotional buildup. Crying is the body’s way of releasing, letting go, and this is especially true at certain times in the day, like before nap or rest time, in the late afternoon, during a big transition, or after being in a stimulating environment. From a Waldorf perspective, we can view this as the child needing to come back into themselves, and crying allows this to happen.

Young children need their crying to be “held” by a regulated adult because they are unable to regulate themselves. Therefore, co-regulation is needed as they regulate through relationships. The parents’ role is not to squash their child’s big feelings, but to provide a steady, grounded presence that they can lean into. So when your child cries, the most important question might very well not be “what do I say?” But rather, “What is my energy saying to my child?” Is your body tense or relaxed? Is your voice hurried, panicked, or calm? Are you trying to fix the crying, or are you able to simply be present? Children are highly attuned to the nervous system of their parent or adult whose care they are in, and this is why your calm presence is not just comforting, it is grounding. Calmness creates a feeling of stability and steadiness.

Here are 8 steps to help you support your child when they cry.

Step 1: Pause and Breathe

Before responding to your crying child, take a moment to pause. Take deep breaths, as this can make a difference and help to create space between your child’s emotions and your reaction. Without this pause, it’s easy to get swept away into urgency and or frustration, while pausing helps you to respond with intention.

Step 2: Get Close

Instead of calling out or yelling what you want your child to do from a distance, move closer to them. Kneel down and lower yourself to their level. Be physically and emotionally present, as this will communicate that you are completely available to help them. For a young child, this response matters more than words.

Step 3: Create a Sense of Containment

Creating a container for crying gives children the feeling of being “held” both physically and emotionally within a safe boundary. This might look like a gentle hand on your child’s back, an arm around their shoulder, or even sitting close without overwhelming them with questions, suggestions, or even trying to fix anything. Some children want touch, some don’t. Some need space while a parent stays present nearby, some don’t. The key here is attunement and understanding how you can help without adding to their overwhelm.

Step 4: Use Few and Simple Words

When your child cries, talking less is often more effective. You might be tempted to ask questions, explain, or offer multiple suggestions when simply acknowledging the emotion is enough. “That was hard”, “I see you’re feeling upset”, or a simple “I’m here” is often all that they need. In these moments, your tone of voice carries more meaning than your words. From a Waldorf perspective, trusting that your presence speaks more deeply than any explanation could lessen your child’s inner tension.

Step 5: Hold the Boundary

Children will cry as a response to a boundary that we set, like “No, we can’t have another cookie”, or “Now it’s time to leave the park”, or “It’s time to clean up your toys”. In times like this, children are not only expressing an emotion, they are looking to see if we will hold the boundary. A Waldorf approach encourages us to hold the boundary and at the same time gently “hold” our child with understanding where they are developmentally. Instead of not holding the boundary so that the crying will stop, it’s best to stay present through the crying, as this teaches our child that our boundaries are stable and their feelings are allowed. Both are essential for healthy development.

Step 6: Let Their Feelings Move Through Them

Often, as parents, when our child cries, we may feel compelled to quickly stop it. Maybe it triggers something in us or frustrates us, or embarrasses us. But when we support our child’s tears, that's when crying can move through naturally. Expect that their emotions will rise, reach a few peaks, and eventually subside. When we interrupt this process too quickly, their emotions may not be fully resolved and become stuck. When we stay calm and present, we support the movement of their emotions.

Step 7: Returning To Your Rhythm

After the crying has passed, gently return to the rhythm of the day. Offer something grounding like a snack, going outside for a walk or to play, a quiet activity indoors, or something else that is familiar in your daily rhythm. Rhythm is what gives children a sense of stability, and it is one of the most powerful tools for supporting emotional balance. If you want to learn how to create a consistent daily rhythm, you’ll find my full rhythms course here on Substack, available to all paid subscribers. Upgrade here for access.

Step 8: Crying and Trust

When your child cries and is met with presence, trust is built. They feel that their feelings are safe to express, that they are not alone with their feelings, and that you will stay with them. This becomes the foundation for their emotional health and later in life, this trust allows your child to express their feelings with words, seek support when needed, and regulate their emotions more independently.

You might ask, “What about too much crying?” Well, there are times when we feel that our child’s crying has become excessive or constant. The intention is not to make a child feel bad about the emotions that lead to their crying. The goal is to help them develop a healthy relationship with their emotions, and this can be measured by how safe they feel, how supported they are in expressing their emotions, and how consistently we can remain calm and present. If your child is experiencing a lot of crying right now, it’s helpful to step back and look at the whole picture and ask these four questions: Is my child getting enough sleep and rest? Is the day too stimulating? Are there too many transitions? Does my child need more connection? Often, the answer is not a new strategy, but instead being honest with ourselves about whether our daily rhythms are predictable.

When it comes to a crying child, perhaps the most important aspect of responding revolves around our inner work. Our child’s crying can trigger our own discomfort with strong emotions, our desire for control, our fear of “doing it wrong”, and our own childhood experiences. Waldorf recognizes that parenting is a path of self-development, and it invites us to do our inner work. It invites us to cultivate patience, strengthen our own regulation, and deepen our capacity to be present. Not perfectly, but consciously. It is an invitation to become conscious.

There is so much more to support you in my book, The Little Book of Parenting. You can order your copy here.

with love,

Chinyelu

We all know that young children do best when life is consistent and dependable.

They feel safest when things happen in the same way and even in the same order. They want daily life to be reliable, as this is their way of orienting themselves in the world. And this is a topic that I talk about a lot because it’s so important.

This is one very important reason why meals are more likely to go smoothly when they are rhythmical and predictable.

I like to think of it this way. Just as you and I feel nourished and comforted by a favorite, familiar meal, our children feel that way when meals they love are served at regular times and in a predictable way.

For them, it’s a kind of emotional nourishment too.

When they know what to expect and when to expect it, you’ll find that your child is calmer and more settled.

But rhythmical meals are not only soothing for children. They’re a gift to us, too.

When meals are rhythmical, you get to plan ahead.

You’re no longer scrambling in the middle of the day or wondering what you’ll cook at five o’clock when your energy is low and your patience is even lower.

And you no longer have to carry around the mental load of that looming question, “What’s for dinner?” And that alone is such a relief.

I remember months on end when everything felt full and busy, and the last thing I wanted was to think on the fly about what to feed my children.

And I can also remember the difference when we had rhythmical meals.

When meals had their consistent place in the day, and I didn’t need to come up with something new each time. I could breathe into the evening, and I was less stressed, which meant that my children were also less stressed.

Let’s imagine this scenario for a moment. It’s late afternoon, and you’re already stretched thin from a long day.

Your children are getting hungry, and you haven’t even started making dinner yet.

You’re looking through the fridge trying to think of something quick to make while also handling emotions, messes, or meltdowns.

This is when life can quickly become overwhelming, and it often does. You lose patience, become angry, and perhaps even yell. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Now imagine a different scenario, and this time you’re prepared. It’s pasta and veggie night. Your children know that, too. There’s no uncertainty, and that helps reduce your stress level, and your children’s too.

And when your children say they’re hungry and dinner is still a bit away, you already have a little pre-dinner snack ready. Some carrot sticks and cucumber slices. A little hummus, maybe.

There’s no resistance from your children because they know what to expect, and you’re getting healthy vegetables into their growing bodies as a pre-dinner appetizer.

One of the unexpected gifts of rhythmical meals is that it also helps reduce the constant begging for sweets and salty processed snacks.

When children know what to expect and when to expect it, the begging tends to disappear because now you plan for options that will help you head it off at the pass, so to speak

It’s much easier to stay committed to your values around food when you aren’t being asked to make decisions in the hardest moments of your day. And your children learn, over time, to trust the rhythm you’ve created.

This trust is what they’re really looking for.

They want to know that we are steady and that we mean what we say.

Rhythm helps us do that without needing to be rigid or perfect. It’s simply a predictable pattern that holds the day.

You might be wondering, what exactly are rhythmical meals? And how do they differ from meal planning?

While there are some similarities between the two, a key difference is that rhymical meals rely on the repetition of having certain days of the week be dedicated to certain foods. For example, Mondays could be rice day, Tuesdays could be soup day, etc. This allows for enough predictability so that your children learn what to expect on certain days of the week, and also allows flexibility for you. You don’t have to make the same rice dish every Monday; you can switch it up weekly. But when our children know to expect rice on Mondays, you’ll find that they are much less resistant, and you’ll find that power struggles lessen.

Here is an example of weekly dinnertime themes:

If this speaks to you and you want to explore creating rhythmical meals, listen to this episode from my podcast, where I dive deeper into rhythmical meals and why they are such an essential part of building a strong foundation for your child.

I will also be sharing more info on rhythmical meals for paid subscribers, as well as some recipes for inspiration.

Parenting doesn’t need to feel like a constant scramble, and dinner (or any mealtime for that matter) doesn’t need to feel like the hardest part of the day. Even small shifts can make a big difference.

You’ll find more support in all areas of parenting in my book, The Little Book of Parenting. You can order your copy here.

with love,

Chinyelu

Oat & Currant Animal Crackers

Yields 50 to 55 small crackers or 25 to 30 medium to large crackers

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It takes many years before a child can articulate their needs, reflect on their emotions, or explain what is happening inside them. Before then, they express themselves through movement, their voice, and actions like hitting, kicking, biting, running away from us, screaming, throwing tantrums, and emotional outbursts. What may surprise you is that all of this is communication. When we start to see behavior as something to understand, we enter into a deeper, more compassionate relationship with our children.

Young children are still developing language, not just vocabulary, but also emotional language. They may not yet be able to say:

“I feel overwhelmed.”
“I need more time.”
“I’m tired.”
“I feel disconnected from you.”
“I don’t know how to handle this feeling.”

So instead, they show us through their bodies, their actions, and their behavior.

A tantrum might be their way of saying, “This is too much.”
Clinginess might mean, “I need closeness.”
Defiance could be them communicating, “I am trying to understand where the boundaries are.”

The way children behave is not random. It is deeply connected to how they feel.

Before a child can think through a situation, their nervous system reacts. When something feels overwhelming, too loud, too fast, or too frustrating for your child, they will become dysregulated. In this state, the parts of the brain responsible for reasoning and language are not fully accessible. This is why asking a child to “use your words” in the middle of a meltdown doesn’t work and isn’t the most supportive approach. Your child is not choosing to be uncooperative; it’s simply that their nervous system is directing their behavior, and the language of the nervous system is behavior. It’s crying, hitting, running away, collapsing, and shouting, which are all expressions of an overwhelmed nervous system trying to find balance again.

When we respond only to behavior, we often miss the message underneath. If your child throws a toy, you might think they are disrespectful. If a child refuses to listen, we might see them as being defiant. If a child whines, we might think they are trying to manipulate us, but beneath each of these behaviors is a need. Our work as parents is not only to address what our child is doing but also to understand what our child is experiencing. This requires a shift in our thinking from judgment to curiosity.

What is my child feeling right now?
What does my child need in this moment?
What is this behavior trying to communicate?

When we ask these questions, our child’s behavior will begin to make sense.

When we begin to “interpret” behavior, we often find familiar patterns.

A tantrum might mean “I am overwhelmed and don’t know how to cope.”

Hitting might mean “I feel angry and don’t know how to say it.”

Refusing to listen might mean “I need more time, or you don’t understand what I need.”

Clinginess might mean “I need connection or I need reassurance.”

Withdrawing might mean “I feel overstimulated or unsure.”

When we see it this way, behavior becomes not something to stop but instead something to listen to and pay attention to.

If behavior is the young child’s language, then we as parents become the interpreter. This is both a responsibility and a wonderful invitation to understand our children better. Instead of reacting quickly to stop the behavior, pause, listen, and observe them. Are they tired, hungry, or overstimulated? Observe their emotional state: Are they frustrated, sad, or disconnected? Is the environment too busy, too loud, or feeling rushed? It is from this place of understanding behavior that we can respond in a way that truly supports our children. Sometimes this means offering connection. Sometimes it means adjusting the environment or moving to a new one. Sometimes it means holding a clear boundary. But it always begins with observing and listening.

When behavior is seen as communication, connection becomes our first response. Understanding that a child who is dysregulated cannot learn or change behavior in that moment is key to knowing how best to support them. Their nervous system needs to return to a state of calm before guidance can be effective. So connection might look like sitting beside them, offering a calm, steady presence, acknowledging their feelings, and using a calm tone of voice. Once your child feels safe and regulated, they will be more open to listening and learning. Keep in mind that correction without connection often escalates behavior.

When we place an emphasis on understanding our child as a whole being—body, soul, and spirit—behavior is not viewed in isolation but as part of their overall development. In your child’s early years, this means:

• nurturing their senses

• providing rhythm and predictability

• protecting imaginative play

• offering a calm, beautiful environment

• modeling behavior through imitation

When your child’s foundational needs are met, their behavior often becomes more balanced. This approach recognizes that many behavior challenges are not failings on the child’s part but are instead developmental.

I’ve always said and will continue to say that one of the most powerful ways to support behavior is through rhythm. Young children feel secure when their days follow a predictable pattern. We can use rhythm to create a healthy breathing flow to the day, which helps to regulate the nervous system by reducing anxiety. When a child knows what comes next, they are less likely to resist or become overwhelmed. Rhythm communicates safety and trust in a way that doesn’t require us to constantly explain. If you want to learn how to create a consistent daily rhythm, you’ll find my full rhythms course here on Substack, available to all paid subscribers. Upgrade below for access.

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Young children learn a great deal through imitation. They primarily imitate us and others they come into contact with. They absorb not only our words but also our tone of voice, our movements, our emotional responses, and even our facial expressions. If we respond to stress with fear or urgency, our children will feel it. If we respond with calm, they will internalize our calm. This is why our own self-regulation, behavior, and mood are so important. Our child’s behavior is often a reflection of the environment we create in our home or the environments we expose them to. I often say that we determine “the weather” when in our child’s presence.

When we begin to see behavior as language, we see challenging moments as opportunities. Instead of asking, “How do I stop this behavior?” we’ll find that we’ll ask: “What is my child trying to tell me?” We’ll notice how this shift softens our response and moves us from frustration to empathy. From control to connection. From reaction to understanding. And this shift will deepen our relationship with our children.

It’s important to add that understanding behavior as communication does not mean allowing negative behavior. Children need boundaries, they need guidance, and they need to learn how to live in the world with others. When boundaries are held within a context of understanding, they are received differently because a child who feels understood is more open to listening and being guided.

Over time, as your child grows, they will develop the ability to express themselves more clearly with words. They will learn to name their feelings, to ask for help, and to regulate their emotions. These skills and capacities are built over years of being understood when they could not yet explain themselves. When we respond to behavior as communication, we teach children that their feelings are valid, that they have the right to be seen and heard, and that relationships are safe. This is the foundation of emotional health.

When we learn to listen and understand the language of young children, we actually begin to see not just what they are doing but who they are. This is when your child begins to feel understood. It’s when you begin to feel more connected to your child and when the relationship becomes a place where growth happens. Beneath every behavior is a message, and every message is an invitation for us to listen more deeply.

I share so much more on this topic in my book, The Little Book of Parenting. You can order your copy here.

with love,

Chinyelu

It’s easy to feel the pressure to sign your child up for every after-school class or plan packed weekends to keep them entertained with new and exciting activities.

But what if I told you that what your child really needs might be the exact opposite of what you have been led to believe is best for them?

In our world today, there’s so much competition.

Often, we feel enormous pressure to ensure our children are always “hitting” the next milestone. We rush them through childhood.

We worry that if they aren’t constantly engaged in structured activities, they’ll fall behind or get bored.

But what if I told you your children don’t need all these extras?

What if I told you that what they truly crave is simplicity?

I think about the words of Kim John Payne, author of “Simplicity Parenting,” who beautifully uses the metaphor of children as vessels.

He says that life is like a tap pouring water into their vessel.

The tap represents all the activities, the busyness, and the constant stimulation.

When the vessel gets too full, it overflows, leading to overwhelm and challenging behaviors.

He says that our job as parents isn’t to keep mopping up the overflow; our job is to turn down the tap.

Children thrive on simplicity. They need time to transition from one activity to another, time for independent play, time for sleep, and time to just be – to exist without demands or goals.

Simple days aren’t boring for them; they are actually soothing because they provide a sense of security and predictability that helps children feel safe and calm.

Parents often feel like they need to be their child’s constant source of entertainment or else resort to screens for a moment of peace.

But children are naturally creative, and when given the space and time, they will learn how to creatively fill their days in the most beautiful and imaginative ways

Independent play is crucial for their development and helps them learn to problem-solve, explore their creativity, and process life.

Think about this:

When was the last time your child had a day without a single scheduled activity? A day where they could explore, imagine, and just be?

How did they respond to that freedom?

Sometimes the most profound moments of learning and growth come from simple, unstructured times, even times of boredom. You might be surprised by the fact that boredom is the gateway to creative growth.

When we strip away the excess in life and focus on simplicity, we give our children the gift of presence.

They learn to appreciate the small things, to find joy in ordinary days, and to feel secure in the rhythm of their days.

This doesn’t mean you have to eliminate all activities; it’s about finding a balance.

Creating a rhythm that includes both structured and unstructured times can make a world of difference.

Imagine this: a day where your child wakes up knowing what to expect, with plenty of time to transition between activities.

A day where they have time to play freely, explore their interests, and spend some quality time with you.

Doesn’t that sound peaceful?

As parents, we often feel the need to do more, to provide more, to ensure our children are always engaged and entertained. But sometimes, less is more.

Simplifying our children’s days can lead to happier, more content, and regulated children. It allows them to grow and learn at their own pace, to explore their interests, and to feel secure in their daily rhythm.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the constant pressure to keep up with activities and schedules, take a step back. Reflect on what your child really needs.

More often than not, it’s not the next enrichment class or the after-school activity; it’s the simple, unstructured moments that bring the most joy and growth.

Do you find yourself feeling pressured to keep your child constantly entertained? Comment below and share.

I share so much more on this topic in my book, The Little Book of Parenting. You can order your copy here.

Till next week!

with love,

Chinyelu

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